A Modern Interpretation of Everyman (the excerpt)

Here beginneth a treatise about how God sent the IRS to summon a
common taxpayer to come and list everything that the taxpayer may
count as tax deductible. This basically sums up any good deeds
the taxpayer (as a whole everyone) has committed, such as charity-

Rewrite[Enter Sports Commentator]Sports Commentator. Hello out
there from TV land, I\'m here to give you a clue. By means of this
exciting account, I promise you\'ll enjoy it, too. Basically it\'s
a story, or a forecast or presentation, but anyway, it depicts
the state, of our great conglomeration. Of humans, and human
affairs, and things we do every day. And the reigning state of
human affairs, and how quickly they do decay. For the people
have forgotten, their Christian and goodly ways. And instead sit
at home and ponder, how exactly to spend their days. Their days
of sin and gluttony, of indulgence and of cuckoldry. The days
which will fade away, and leave the signs of sin and of adultery.

At any rate I promise the show will be a thing to remember and a
good thing to retain, for it fortells of how God will judge us
and our deeds, and the anguish and the pain. Of those who would
not change their ways, to do well and to be kind. So once the
show is over it would do you good to keep these events in
mind_[Cue Energetic Dance Music]Sports Commentator. LET\'S GET



GOD!!![Disco Call][Exit Sports Commentator. Enter God]God. What
in the Hell was that?[Dance music abruptly stops]God. Ya\'
know, I see here,in all my splendor, how the people do not
remember. The ways and methods of olden days, when they didn\'t
have so much personal grandeur. They\'ve forgotten me, oh yes
they have, and I don\'t appreciate it one bit. Especially since I
was the one, who created (and maintain) every bit of it. I showed
them my will when they crucified me, and I healed them even
after. And now they don\'t bother to recognize me, but instead
mock me with their laughter. Which springs from their enjoyment,
of all their earthly goods. Of their endorsement of the 7 worst
sins, and their forever gluttonous moods. And even worse, if
they are left to their sinful ways, the wars and hate that will
follow will shorten the whole race\'s days. I wanted to be the
model, for every man\'s life. But I see now that I am as common
as any man\'s first wife. Sooooo, now I must make an example, to
every man whom doesn\'t care. I\'ll threaten them with something
that will give them all a scare. Death, no, they would merely
laugh, but something even worse. A force which controls them, and
would relieve them of their fat, overgrown purse. Oh yes, I\'ll
show them something, just as sure as death, an agency of mine AND
the devil that will audit them TO their very last breath.Where
are you, oh IRS agent?[Enter IRS agent]IRS agent. Oh merciful

God, I am here before you. How may I serve you, please tell me,

I implore you.God. Go, audit Al L. People, and show him, in my
name, the task he will have to take, from which he may not
possibly escape. And make sure he brings his balance books, and
a list of ALL his charities. I doubt that it will take him long,
since has not made many of these.IRS agent. Oh yes God, I will
go, and search the world all over, for this Mr. People can\'t be
far, and when I find I\'ll arrest him, and take away his car. And
his house and boat any property, for which he has forsaken you.

Any man who lives pompously I will audit till he rues, the day he
forgot your grace and stopped living by your law, and gave up
being merciful and kindly, and ignored any of those in need whom
he saw.[Enter Al L. People]Hey there he is, I bet he isn\'t
expecting, my approach or my audit, which soon I\'ll be
projectingHe\'s thinkin\' about personal gain and how to advance
himself, and how to expand his capital and double all of his
wealth. Man, it\'s gonna suck for that guy. Here goes_ EXCUSE ME,

MR. PEOPLE! I hate to interrupt, but I couldn\'t help but notice
that your soul, er your estate, is so monstrously corrupt.Al L.

People What did you say? What\'s the matter? Who are you?

I\'ll have you know that I\'m